Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
