he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
