forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
