smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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