Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
