I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
