Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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