when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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