I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
