Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
