Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize