it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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