Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
