hell yes lets make some ravioli
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
