areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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