You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Drunk is not a location!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
