Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize