I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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