I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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