If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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