and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
