some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
