My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
