Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
