his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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