thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
