Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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