my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
