Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
