I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
