U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
