Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
