Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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