Where are you?
In a non slutty way
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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