his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
