I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
