youre lurking in front of me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
