just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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