nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
