Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
