just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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