Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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