I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
