i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
