the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Be still, my beating vagina.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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