just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
