worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
