My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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