There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
