getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize