the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
