Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
