yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
