Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
