If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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