I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
