Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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