I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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