im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
