and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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