He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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