I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
