I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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