grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
