I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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