This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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