do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
