he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
