I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
