But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
