My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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