I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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