May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
