The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
