oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
