dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
