I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
