well I can't set my house on fire every night
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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