dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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