I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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