He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
