yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
